lunch break

first real day at work...no more training and i have nothing to do so far. no seriously though, i'm really not sure what i'm supposed to be doing. i guess i'll find out in time what my morning duties are...or maybe it's just a slow day. i wish i could listen to music. my boss can see every website i browse to...so i'm keeping my web surfing down to a minimum. bossman is in late today so i have to sit at my desk for my break, which justifies my blogging. i feel like i don't ever have anything deep or meaningful to say. someday i will. and someday i'll share more than my agenda and actually dig into my thoughts and feelings. that's kinda why i'm including a picture with every post... to get some thought going. i figured it's as good a place as any. today's photograph makes me think of my old bedroom. my mum bought me a polaroid camera for christmas or my birthday or something a few years ago. i took a bunch of pictures and taped them all to my walls. i don't know what happened to them. after moving a few times they've all been lost. oh and we ceremonially burned one in a drunken rage one night. idk... today i'm thinking about the prospect of moving. there are so many little feelings with that topic. excitement, fear, joy, nervousness, eagerness, hesitation, planning, etc. it'll be nice to live with kevin...for real. not like how it's been for the past year. but i'm also scared. i think we need better planning, and i need to be more emotionally stable. it'll all come though. i'm more positive than anything else, and ready to start moving toward our future.

i feel like the stability i have been yearning for for so long is finally setting in. my life is feeling less like a hazy roller coaster full of blurred images and loud noises and more like a strategic board game. i know board game give a connotation of boring...but that isn't the case. life is far from boring... it's just not insane and in my face. i'm calling the shots.